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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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Always Country Going Gone See Want
Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bed Difficulty Honestly Kind Relaxing Stuff
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA

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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLA

Government Kind Mom Occasional Participated Welfare
I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Harmless Ill Know People Thought Towards
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA

Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dad Dollar Funny Humor Knowledge Raise Share Sister
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLA

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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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Advice Best Force Mine Order Question Work

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