Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLAWhoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA