I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDSI have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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I drink therefore I am.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS