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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

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