I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDSI have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS -
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS -
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS






