“Nobody ever says, Can I have your beets?”

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth who allow their kids to come back home.

I was’nt always black. There was this freckel that just grew and grew.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

When you become senile, you won’t know it.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don’t want to see the dog doing them.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.

How Do I Listen to others? As if everyone were my Master Speaking to me His Cherished Last Words.

I think there are multiple ways to have your voice heard. In some cases, it’s through protest and it’s through going on the nightly news and talking about or denouncing every issue on which you disagree with. Other times it is quietly and directly and candidly.

After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.

In Missouri, where I come from, we don’t talk about what we do – we just do it. If we talk about it, it’s seen as bragging.

I hate the word surrogate, because what does that mean? Like when people talk about I`m my father’s confident, at one point, they were actually saying major newspapers were publicly were writing that I was Vice Presidential candidate. I`m saying no. I`m a daughter.

I had a friend who worked at a hospice, and he said people in their final moments don’t discuss their successes, awards or what books they wrote or what they accomplished. They only talk about their loves and their regrets, and I think that’s very telling.

When Tarquin the Proud was asked what was the best mode of governing a conquered city, he replied only by beating down with his staff all the tallest poppies in his garden.

It is safer to be silent than to reveal one’s secret to any one, and telling him not to mention it.