“It isn’t what we don’t know that gives us trouble, it’s what we know that ain’t so.”

Common sense ain’t common.

Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.

Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won’t work.

The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Do the best you can, and don’t take life too serious.

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, in every war they kill you in a new way.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.

We can’t all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

There is something splendid about innocence; but what is bad about it, in turn, is that it cannot protect itself very well and is easily seduced.

The eyes are the window of the soul.

The face is a picture of the mind with the eyes as its interpreter.

A madman’s ravings are absurd in relation to the situation in which he finds himself, but not in relation to his madness.

It is disgusting – Why must we have bodies?

Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.

A man is involved in life, leaves his impress on it, and outside of that there is nothing.

Best not to know what’s waiting around the corner.