“It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.”

A fool and his money are soon elected.

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

It isn’t what we don’t know that gives us trouble, it’s what we know that ain’t so.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn’t have to advertise them.

You wait and wait for the next step, and when you get to the next step, it’s awful.

In the end we are all sacked and it’s always awful. It is as inevitable as death following life. If you are elevated there comes a day when you are demoted. Even Prime Ministers.

Several thousand people had been locked up unjustly and, by an incredible coincidence, all in the same prison. On the other hand, they knew an awful lot about how to knife somebody.

I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.

The legs that I have made are far more perfect than the ones nature would have given me – my mother’s side of the family have awful legs.

Abba’s last tour was a success but awful for me.

Yet it is awful to love a person who is a torture to you. And a fascinating person who loves you and won’t hear of anything but your loving him and living right by his side through all eternity!

When I was sectioned for six months, that was one of the worst experiences of my life, not being able to go out and have freedom. Having experienced it, it’s almost inexplicably awful.