I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPEThe only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
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I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
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Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
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It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
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Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
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A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
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Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
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I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
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It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.
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We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
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The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
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Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
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I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you’re turning the pages.
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If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
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Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE