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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Bob Hope

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Play Small Winning
There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. “
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Paris
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
BOB HOPE

Fighting Games Golf
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE

Adversity Better Lucky Now Pugs
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Night Suffering
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.
BOB HOPE

Acting Funny President
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
BOB HOPE

Baseball Character Kids Personal Plot Side
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

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