“I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.”

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.

We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.

I find that something one gets from Emerson in early life does not leave him when he grows old.

Like you might love watching basketball, but that don’t mean that you’ll get on the court.

To me, it’s offensive. A bouncer likes to get physical, likes to put his hands on people.

The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.

God is on my side, and that’s all I need. I get up in the morning.

Back in the day, I would wear up to 45 pounds of gold. It would take me four hours to get dressed!

If you get knocked down – setbacks in life, like applying for a job if they don’t hire you – keep trying, keep getting up, keep doing it.

I didn’t watch ‘The A-Team’ movie. I’m an artist. You can’t re-paint a Rembrandt. You can’t duplicate that; I don’t care who you get.