I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPEI do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
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When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.
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I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
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I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
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By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
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Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
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In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
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To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
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Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
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Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
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The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
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I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.
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My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
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When you get over 95, every day is your day.
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We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
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We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
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Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
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Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
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If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
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The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
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If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
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If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
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There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. “
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The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE