I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPEI asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
More Bob Hope Quotes
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It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
BOB HOPE -
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.
BOB HOPE -
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE -
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE -
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE -
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
BOB HOPE -
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE -
I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
BOB HOPE -
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE -
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE -
The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
BOB HOPE -
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE -
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE -
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE -
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE