“It isn’t enough for you to love money – it’s also necessary that money should love you.”

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Practice, which some regard as a chore, should be approached as just about the most pleasant recreation ever devised.

We can’t do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves.

Marriage, in my view, should be a balanced stalemate between equal adversaries.

Ensure that both plan and dispositions are flexible, adaptable to circumstances. Your plan should foresee and provide for a next step in case of success or failure.

What I should like to find is a crime the effects of which would be perpetual, even when I myself do not act, so that there would not be a single moment of my life even when I were asleep.

You should shower,” i said. “right now.” “i smell that bad?” (patch) actually, he smelled that good.

There is one art of which people should be masters – the art of reflection.

The petty man is eager to make boasts, yet desires that others should believe in him. He enthusiastically engages in deception, yet wants others to have affection for him. He conducts himself like an animal, yet wants others to think well of him.