“There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.”

I’m sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory.

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn’t be so bad if they thought.

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God’s path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony.

Don’t a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.

Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

Knowin’ all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein’ a good whittler.

It isn’t enough for you to love money – it’s also necessary that money should love you.

Honesty pays, but it doesn’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Never tell the box-office man that you can’t hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can’t see either.

If you are not getting better, you are getting left behind.

It seems farther away now because there are no rockets getting there. Nobody is going.

Getting from page four to page five is more important than spending three weeks getting page four perfect.

Cities all over the world are getting bigger as more and more people move from rural to urban sites, but that has created enormous problems with respect to environmental pollution and the general quality of life.

What I always wanted to get seen as was as a good actor, when it was the acting I was doing.

It’s interesting, for me sappy means sentimental and something that gets you in your heart, gets you emotional. That’s what I mean. Also, of course, it means that I’m slightly setting up the audience that there’s a bit of fun involved, as well.

Except I’m aware that as a writer you can’t get away with as much writing for children as you can with adults.

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there.