“It ain’t a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you’re talking about.”

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he’s overcharging you.

Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speechmaker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? “

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

University: … a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

I admire the ones who keep coming back and doing it, time after time.

Keep trying until you have no more chances left.

You get into the cadence in your mind, and it’s hard to make the kind of left turn that you probably need to keep it really interesting.

Just don’t keep me in the dark about things. Otherwise, why am I with you?

If I could keep today’s happiness I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow.

Whatever has “wit enough to keep it sweet” defies corruption and outlasts all time; but the wit must be of that outward and visible order which needs no introduction or demonstration at our hands.

I’ve seen many films, and many beautiful films. And I try to keep a certain level of quality of my films. I don’t do commercials,

Ours is an upbeat, a hurried, hasty beat. It keeps pressing us to go farther, to include everything so that we can savor everything, so that we can know everything.