“I don’t look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.”

It’s what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.

Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn’t do when he was young.

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it’s a wonder there isn’t more of it done

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.

Bargain… anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.

There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.

I still believe that the Democrats have it right about health care, education.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.

There are white n*ggers. I’ve seen a lot of white n*ggers in my time.

Getting Democrats organized is like herding cats.

The way I see it, I’m not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I’m going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.

We need Democrats and Republicans in Congress to work together to fashion a very comprehensive pushback to Russia, not just the cyber-hacking, but their bribery of officials in Europe, their social media campaign, their overt media campaign.