Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
PHYLLIS DILLERA passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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