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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Do Life Practice Work Yourself
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Feature Made never That What
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Hat On Screw Wrinkle
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Down First Month Shut Spend Talk Teah Tell Twelve Walk

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