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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Down First Month Shut Spend Talk Teah Tell Twelve Walk
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beach Come Even Go Tide
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Jealous Mercy Pilead Talk
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLER

Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year

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