All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLERI always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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self-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLER