The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLERI always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER






