I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER