“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

At my age flowers scare me.

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

How can I die? I’m booked.

To live anywhere in the world today and be against equality because of race or color is like living in Alaska and being against snow.

Growing up, I never really felt like anything was my own. I moved a lot, and I never belonged anywhere.

We’re special because dreams that are impossible anywhere else, come true here. That’s not just my story. That’s your story. That’s our story.

Perhaps they were right putting love into books. Perhaps it could not live anywhere else.

I didn’t fit in anywhere when I grew up, but I was always American, so to survive,

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

The prevailing – and foolish – attitude is that a good manager can be a good manager anywhere, with no special knowledge of the production process he’s managing.