I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






