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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Dog Family Found Look Three Tree
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Father Finger Kidnap More Piece Proof Remember Sent Time Want
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Another Come Day Girl Home Nobody Over Phone
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Born I Morning Mother Sickness
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Brown Dentist Go Teeth Tie Told Wear Yellow

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