“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

The people who are garrulous and wear their heart on their sleeve and tell you everything, that’s one kind of person, but the fellow who’s hiding behind a tree and hoping you don’t see him is the fellow that you’d better find out why.

…Five minutes from now, when everything else had dropped away and i realized the full impact of what id done, id feel my heart breaking.

Gerard doesn’t tell me what to do. We discuss everything as a couple, as I imagine most partners do. We have a beautiful relationship and one of mutual trust.

Love is the effort and desire to make someone else everything they were created to be.

He is outside of everything, and alien everywhere. He is an aesthetic solitary.

Let us give ourselves indiscriminately to everything our passions suggest, and we will always be happy…

Judge everyone and everything for yourself.

Not thinking about anything is zen. Once you know this, walking, standing, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is zen. To know that the mind is empty is to see the buddha…. Using the mind to reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness. Freeing oneself from words is liberation.