I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD