A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD