Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDIf it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD