My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThis morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD