My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






