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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Ask How Big People Pet Store Work

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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Everything Marriage Room Sepaetae Sleep Together Vacation
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Bowl Just Life Pit
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Get Honest No Politician Respect Run
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken

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