I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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