I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDActing deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD