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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Asleep Blind Day Face Kid Library Man One Pimple Plenty Raed Wake
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Act Actor Each Expose Himself Nide Time
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Back Car Drive Want Wife
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

All Life Pick Pocket Sex
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everything Marriage Room Sepaetae Sleep Together Vacation
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Beat God Make Me Ugly Yeah Zombie
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet

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