One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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