My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD