I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KINGI won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
More Alan King Quotes
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KING






