A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KINGIt’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
More Alan King Quotes
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING