Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
More Alan King Quotes
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING -
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING -
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING