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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

Alan King

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING

Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING

Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING

Alongside Dictionary Milton Party Took Tremendous Vaudeville
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KING

Great New Older Thing Year
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING

Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING

Better Father Parent
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING

Business Course Have Hook Learn Survive
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KING

Ability Behave Fun Make Society Watch
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING

Caught Day Fire House Other
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING

Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING

Done First Jewish Act Person Saw Told
We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING

Distort Fun House Mirror Reflection Set Standard Style
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING

Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!

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