Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGA summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
More Alan King Quotes
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING