It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING