My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KINGIt’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
More Alan King Quotes
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING






