I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KINGI just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
More Alan King Quotes
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING -
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING -
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING -
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING -
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING