Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KINGI just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING






