And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING -
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING -
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING -
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING -
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING -
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
ALAN KING -
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING -
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING -
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING -
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING