It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGMy mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
More Alan King Quotes
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING