Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
More Alan King Quotes
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING -
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING -
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING -
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING -
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING -
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING -
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING