I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KINGIf you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
More Alan King Quotes
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING






