Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KINGIf you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING