Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGIf you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
More Alan King Quotes
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING