I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA