Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLAI know everything because I know nothing.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA