“Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.”

It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.

But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.

We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.

Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.

Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.

Any man who doesn’t love his mama can’t be no friend of mine.

I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.

Surely all art is the result of one’s having been in danger, of having gone through an experience all the way to the end, where no one can go any further.

If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.

Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.

Richard Fliehr does not make any money.

Our government declared that it is conducting some kind of great reforms. In reality, no real reforms were begun and no one at any point has declared a coherent programme.