Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
BILL MAHERAnyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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Denying racism is the new racism.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
BILL MAHER