The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS