I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
EMO PHILIPS
One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
EMO PHILIPS -
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
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I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
EMO PHILIPS -
