When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
EMO PHILIPS
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
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So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
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They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPS